When your child’s temper flares, it is important to remember that you are the adult and thus, you are in charge.  It is up to you to help your child learn to control their temper.  This fact sheet lists tips and tools to assist both you and your child before, during and after a temper tantrum.

Before A Temper Tantrum

Navigating life is like driving a car; it is full of bumps, hills and detours.  Much like the rules of the road, if you do not follow the rules of life then you will crash.  A good driver will follow the rules even if they are in a good mood or if they are in a bad mood.  Additionally, a good driver knows that they are not in charge of other people, but only themselves.

Everyone gets angry, but it is how you handle your anger that is important.  Have your child list three things that make them angry then have them list how they feel during each situation.  Finally, give examples of alternative feelings to your child for when they are angry.

Example:

Three Things that Make Me Mad are:                   When I get mad I feel:

1. Losing at a game                                          1. When I get lose at a game I think it’s not fair
2. When someone tells me no                            2.  When someone tells me no I want to yell
3. When I have to go to bed early                      3. When I have to go to bed early I want to hide

Three Alternatives to getting angry are:

1. When I lose at a game I can say “good game” and ask if they want to play another game.
2. When someone tells me no I can ask “why” using a polite voice or I can find another activity to do.
3. When I  have to go to bed early I can remember that I will be able to get up early the next day and play

During a Temper Tantrum

Additionally like a fire, anger will grow as more fuel is added, but if left on its own it will eventually fade out.  When your child gets angry you as a parent have decision to make; you can feed their anger or you can douse the anger.  Help your child come up with a list of three things that feed their anger.

Example:

Three things that feed my anger are:

1. Yelling
2. Hitting
3. Throwing my toys

There are many ways that you can help your child douse their anger as well.

1. Take a break: Have a designated place that your child can to be alone and deescalate
2. Think cool thoughts: When you child is angry they are thinking and saying hot thoughts like “I hate you” or “NO! NO! NO!”, but if they can think cool thoughts like “oh well” or “its ok” then your child can douse their own anger.
3. Release anger in a safe manner: 1.  Do a physical activity – ride a bike, dance; 2. Slow down – lay down and take several deep breathes

After the Temper Tantrum

After your child has calmed down they problem that triggered the tantrum is still going to be there.  You and your child can work together to solve the problem and you have several options to do this.

1. Work it out – face the problem and talk about it honestly
2. Compromise
3. Walk away – sometimes there is no easy solution to the problem and it is important for your child to know that it is ok to walk away.

The examples above are only suggests and only you can find the correct combination to help your child during their temper tantrums.  Discuss the above suggestions with your child and together develop a plan and if it doesn’t work the first time that is ok.  The important thing is that you keep trying and recognize your child for their accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem to you.  Good Luck!