GOOD LISTENERS

1. Defer their judgment – more controlled – listen for the other person Say something new and useful.
2. Pay most attention to content – do not allow grammar or speaking skills to supercede the substance of the message.
3. Listen completely first – then plan their own response.
4. Have become more mature in their listening habits – they listen for the main idea – the principle(s) being presented.
5. Separate facts from principles – concentrate on remembering principles. They don’t worry about committing all information to memory.
6. Work at keeping attentive. They are aware of their human tendency to fake listening.
7. Do one thing at a time. They realize listening is a full-time job and they give their full attention to listening.
8. Have confidence that they will be able to understand if they only listen carefully and ask questions.
9. Feel their honest anger, but control it – do not allow their emotional reactions to govern their behavior. Their intellect is more “in charge”.
10. Keep their mental energies on the subject by practicing listening techniques.

BAD LISTENING

1. “Tune out” the other person at the beginning (i.e., become prejudiced without giving the speaker a chance).
2. Are quick to criticize grammar and /or speaking skills. Attention is directed to form rather than content.
3. Spend the time getting ready to talk instead of listening.
4. Tend to listen mainly for facts. (i.e., expend their energy trying to memorize), a grade school habit.
5. Try to outline or take in everything. Try to remember everything. Misdirect their attention to perfection.
6. Fake attention, sometimes it’s an unconscious habit. When they find active listening is really hard work, they try to avoid the work by faking.
7. Create distractions (i.e., try to do something else while listening), apparently believing hearing is listening.
8. Give u too soon when they realize they have to actively work at understanding when listening.
9. Tend to get distracted by emotional words; don’t control their attention or emotional priorities consciously; and sometimes lose their temper.
10. Are not aware of the talking/listening “speed limits” mismatch. Waste thought power and get lost in tangential thinking.