Look around the room and yawn occasionally while the other person is talking.

Interrupt every time the other person talks about something you have already been through.

Order or command the other person.

“You really should try Dr. Jones.”

“You just have to transfer your child to Mrs. Anderson’s class.”

Talk on and on and on about your own experience or concern.

Warn or threaten the other person.

“You’ll be sorry if you don’t address your discipline problem now.”

“If you know what’s good for your child, you’ll change schools right away!”

Criticize the other person or their actions.    Letting your judgments be known.

“I really don’t think you talk to your child enough.”

“I can’t believe you’re satisfied with that clinic, no one else takes their child there”

Make promises you can’t keep.

“You’ll just love the preschool teacher!”

“You’ll feel much better in a month or so.”

“You’ll adjust and realize how special your child is.”

Preach or give moral lessons or platitudes.

Solve the other parent’s problems or give direct advice.

“If I were you I would change therapists.”

“The best option would be to get away for a weekend.”

“Just tell your mother how you feel about her crying and carrying on all the time.”

Interrogate the parent.

“Why did you decide to do that?”

“Why didn’t you talk to your doctor?”

Deny their feelings with false reassurance.

“This really isn’t as bad as you think—it will be fine.”

“Everything will be better if you can just look on the bright side.”

“This isn’t the end of the world.”

Avoid or put off topics that make you feel uncomfortable.

“Let’s talk about something a little more pleasant.”

“Placement in an institution is such an antiquated idea, let’s talk about your child living at home.”

Avoid using the work “BUT”, it may invalidate the other person’s viewpoint.

“You say you’re doing well, but you may want to use this service.”

“Your child’s IEP sounds good, but that may not be what you get.”

Adapted for Pilot Parents/Minnesota